


your blue eyes make me sentimental

by Yanthara



Series: Behind blue eyes [2]
Category: Mortal Instruments Series - Cassandra Clare, Shadowhunter Chronicles - All Media Types, Shadowhunter Chronicles - Cassandra Clare, Shadowhunters (TV), The Mortal Instruments (Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Trans, Fluff, M/M, Trans Character, Trans Male Character, Trans!Alec, alec is trans, just talking
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-30
Updated: 2016-07-30
Packaged: 2018-07-28 07:18:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,945
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7630432
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Yanthara/pseuds/Yanthara
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Sorry for my bad english, it's not my nativ language</p><p>the facts about trans are based on the healthcare system in germany</p>
    </blockquote>





	your blue eyes make me sentimental

**Author's Note:**

> Sorry for my bad english, it's not my nativ language
> 
> the facts about trans are based on the healthcare system in germany

Magnus sat down at the table again. The young Shadowhunter was still a bit confused about the reaction from the warlock, since he has not expected such a reaction. To be honest, he had imagined the worst, so that the warlock would offend him and would disappear. Or something like this. Already several hundred years old, it has never been anyone come across the transsexual was, accordingly, he was curious. "Alexander?", the young boy sat slowly down again and still abit confused. "Yes?" "Can you tell me more about you? Like how everything works ?" Curious Magnus looked at him.

Alec nodded hesitantly. "You're welcome, but it takes a while. Do we prefer to go to another place? I would not necessarily want anyone to get here. It is then very private. "The warlock smiled." Sure, let's just drink. And I think the cakes would be eaten." Pointedly he pricked with a fork in his piece of cake. Alec sighed, with such a serene reaction he had not expected. He sipped his tea. "Nearby is a park. So we can talk about it in the park?."

It was amazing how quickly the tea and the cake was eaten. Magnus put money on the table, then he helped Alec in the jacket and gave him his crutches. Then they made their way to the park. The warlock walked slowly beside Alec. The two took the first available empty park bench. They sat down and the warlock looked at Alec. He nodded at him encouragingly. The Shadowhunter sighed, unsure he began at the hem of his shirt to play. "Do you have enough time?" Asked the Shadowhunter. "Always for you Alexander." He smiled gently. "What you want to know that?" "The things you want to tell me. I urge you to do anything." It was good to hear. Normally Alec heard questions like: 'What's your real name?' 'Do you have a penis?'. But the warlock was different, he let him choose the topics to talk about.

"I ... I did not like as a small child all the girly stuff. I do not know either. I just could not do anything. I never liked dolls. Sounds typical for a cliche or? But my childhood was not so great, of course I have nice memories. But it was much difficult, I was so uncomfortable in my body, I felt so uncertain with some things. It just felt so - wrong," he said bitterly. But after the first few sentences... he was more open to Magnus than to the most people. The warlock gave him a sense of security, even if he was sitting here just beside him and also he hardly knew him. "I think in the age of eight, I had told my mother that I would rather be a boy. Oh, she was not enthusiastic, she was really upset when I told her. she thought it's just a phase. But she tried to help me, to make me normal again, as she called it, she forced me to behave like a girl, to dress like that. My father went away more of me. Even now, our relationship is not the best with my mother. with it may have become better, but it is no longer as it was when I was small. Yes, and Izzy, for her has not changed. But the council. Well you know how to deal with people .... they are different." Alec paused and Magnus gently put his hand on the Shadowhunters and stroked hesitant about it. "Oh yes, and I know how the Council. too well."

"My mother tried to hide it, she never talked about her 'broken' child. Because it was just right that we have come to New York. As we were away from the council and my mother could give me some more freedom. They made an effort that they call me Alec. At some point Hodge came to the institute. He helped me the most. He helped me that I get hormones and even with such matters as the operations. So he does not operated me, but he helped me so that I could continue with the Mundies. In shadowhunters there are not such thing." He sighed.

"And well, then at some point was Jace in front of our door. Since I was only twelve. It was really a bad time. I was so slow in puberty and that was not exactly an advantage. My body took slowly but surely to feminine traits. Hodge tried to help that I could get up blocker, but my mother was against it. And I was feeling worse and worse. When training with Jace I drove myself to the limits to be inferior to him in anything and to punish myself. It was hard to conceal all this against Jace. Not only because my voice was very high as yet, also because I layed back despite rigorous exercise what power and all were concerned. That is also why the bow is my favorite weapon, because this I need not necessarily power. I was terrified that he find out the truth, I was not the boy for whom he held me! I wore when training continues matters, often long shirts, so he did not see that I slowly got a bust. I had eventually begun tie off me, but in practice that was not very conducive, it curtailed me, I gasped. And then after half a year or so, he asked me in all seriousness, if I wanted to be his Parabatai! I was so surprised! I mean, I thought I was very bad what my fitness level. And I also thought that I am not a value. I had so many self-doubt and anxiety. But Jace? He took me just the way I am. It did so good to be accepted as I am. Since my parents were not often there, it was Jace also not really on that many still saw me as a girl, because our institute was yet visited very little." Magnus listened spellbound and smiled affectionately. "I think now you are on the same training level as Jace. "

"Well, he still is better than me. But that's ok. I admit prefer backing and watch out for him and Izzy. Finally, someone must keep the head cool. The two are already two slobs!" Alec grinned. "But I like them very much." He put his head back and looked at the sky. "With 15 I got for the first time hormones. I could not wait. I finally came in the voice broke, I finally got a better training level. It happend so much in this time. I was so happy when I got the first shot! Even if it hurt something. Na hurt is not right word, it was a strange feeling. One gets the injected into the buttocks and then holding about three months." "Do you always take it? So a lifetime? " Alec sighed. "Theoretically, yes, I produce even not enough testosterone. So it is, I could stop if I have achieved the desired changes. But that would not be good for the body and I do not want that, too. In addition, my ovaries removed and so stuff. So I no longer produce to the extent its own hormones. They need to be fed. Well, the ovaries and the uterus were removed was partly also with the Council. They demanded that I am impotent." The warlock was a sound of indignation from him. "Seriously?" He shook his head in disbelief. "Yes, you know, everything that is not the norm corresponds should be, according to the Council, not better care of offspring." Alec looked at Magnus and smiled wryly.

"Well, it had also so get out." Alec saw Magnus, on his left arm. "The doctors can not make the last surgerys, if the institutions are still in there." The elder looked surprised and blinked. "Moment. The scar on his arm ... that is. Well. You have a penis? I'm sorry if I ask so directly. But I did not think that's possible." Somewhat embarrassed by his question Magnus looked aside. The Shadowhunter looked at the older for a while. He clearly knew you would ask this question and normally he reacted soggy. But when Magnus asked it? Here was the situation quite another. Alec could see how much Magnus is ashamed for the question, that serious for him behind the question to him as a person and on the transsexuality. the Shadowhunter moved a little closer to Magnus. "it's ok. Believe me. I got the question often. For most, it only matters whether and what you have between your legs." Magnus swallowed. "I did not want to be so superficial! I'm sorry." Said the Warlock. Alec gave him a smile. "No, it's all ok. It was not your first question. And ... you seem to really mean it. And yes. " He exhaled noisily. "Yes, I have a penis. Finally. But not so long, there are also some surgerys to do." " How can I imagine? Only if you want to tell me, if not,it is ok. "

Alec smiled. "Well I can not get an erection, I still needs a pump to get one and testis." His smile turned into a grin when he saw Magnus expression. "What's Magnus? You wanted that I'm honest." "Yes, but I can not imagine how this work. Can you give me perhaps to paint like the OP works or how I can imagine that, or simply explain exactly?" " Sure, I'll explain it briefly. Otherwise it will be a full evening program. You take skin from left forearm and it forms a new urethra and penis. Well, they sew it on. If it has healed completly, they put a pump in it, so that the penis can be stiff, then come testicles to and the glans. Done." the young Shadowhunter could not interpret Magnus look. was he disgusted? could not he deal with it? was it too much information for him? "Magnus? is everything okay with you?" The sorcerer nodded hesitantly, he held out his hand, rubbing his fingertips against each other, so that blue sparks formed. Then he stroked hesitant with his fingertips over the scar. the shadowhunter watched him spellbound and was fascinated by the blue sparks. "Magnus? What are you doing?" the addressed smiled. "I'm trying to heal your scars." Alec felt like ascended tears in him, he blinked a few times. He was moved by Magnus gesture. He had never experienced it, that someone was trying to help him in this way. So far never had someone so share taken at his past. Unfortunately, the scars on his arm did not change by Magnus Magic and you could view the warlock that he was disappointed that his magic could not help. Even with the Iratze could not disappear these scars. But Alec did not want to get rid of it. They were a part of him as his blue eyes, as his runes.

"Magnus?" Alec cleared his throat and took his eyes of his opposite. "I have, despite everything, the feeling that I'm not good enough. For me it is hard to understand why you asked me for a date. I'm nothing special and just with the past. Why would you someone like me as your partner?" Magnus pulled him into a hug." You're such a fool. How can you get someone not like you? I think you're amazing! You've accomplished so much and made it. And never given up" Magnus smiled broadly, then pulled Alec up a notch closer to him and kissed him. The young Shadowhunter was too overwhelmed to respond to the kiss.


End file.
